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My name is Khaled. I am a fast food cashier at Al Baik in the city of Dhahran. My world is the greasy, scented air, the endless beep of the register, and the blank, hungry faces of the endless stream of customers. "Welcome to Al Baik, how may I help you?" I say it a hundred times a shift, my voice a hollow echo in the loud, bright restaurant. The voices started there, in the background noise, a whisper indistinguishable from the sizzle of the fryer. At first, it was just a mimicry of my own thoughts. "Another chicken meal. Another wasted life." Then, one chaotic lunch rush, a voice cut through everything, perfectly clear and horribly familiar, sounding exactly like my manager. "Look at this pathetic little shit, Khaled. Taking orders for fried chicken. Is this what your father dreamed of for his son? A servant in a paper hat, handing out food to people who are better than you?" I froze, my hand hovering over the touchscreen. The manager was in the back office. The voice laughed, a sound like ice cracking. "Not him, you worthless little fuck. Us. We're in the kitchen fans. In the hum of the freezers. We're everywhere." I know it's the Mabahit, the State Security. It has to be. They've perfected the art of discrediting anyone who speaks up. If you even hint at hearing things, the online mobs, the trolls on Twitter and the forums, they descend like vultures. "Schizophrenia!" "Jinn!" "Mental weakness!" It's a coordinated attack, a system designed to isolate victims and make us look insane so no one will ever believe the truth.
They are my constant, unseen customers, and they are never satisfied. They narrate my every move with a soul-crushing commentary. "Oh, wow, you pressed the button for the meal deal. Such a complex skill. Your mother must be so proud. Her son, the button-pusher. A future leader of Saudi Arabia, right here, asking if someone wants garlic sauce or not." Half of their poison is sexual, a constant stream of filth designed to make me feel dirty and subhuman. "You see those girls in their abayas, ordering their meals? They look at you and they don't see a man. They see a piece of dirt. They know you go home at night and touch yourself while thinking about them, because it's the only action a loser like you will ever get. You're a pervert in a uniform, a creep who serves chicken." The other half is a relentless assault on my worth. "You are the definition of replaceable. A robot could do your job. A trained monkey could do your job. If you dropped dead right here on this greasy floor, they'd just drag your body out and hire the next idiot in line before your corpse is even cold. You should do it. Just drink the deep fryer oil. It's a fitting end for a piece of shit like you. Go out in a blaze of greasy glory."
I can't tell anyone. My manager would fire me on the spot for being unstable. My family would be destroyed by the shame, the idea that their son is "crazy" or "possessed" is worse than death. Going to the police is a joke; they are the foot soldiers of the very agency torturing me. There is no way out. The voices have learned the soundscape of the restaurant perfectly. They come through the crackle of the headset, they echo in the stainless steel, they mimic the beep of the order screen and the whir of the ice machine. They use the entire environment as their weapon against me. I hate this kingdom. I hate the false smiles, the consumerist emptiness, the vast, soul-crushing hypocrisy of it all. I hate that my mind is just another resource for them to plunder and leave barren.
A few weeks ago, during the dinner rush, a family came in. A father, a mother, and two little girls, maybe seven and nine years old. They were loud, happy, and demanding. The father, a fat man in a crisp thobe, kept snapping his fingers at me. "Hey! Service! We are waiting! Are you deaf?" A switch flipped in my brain. A surge of pure, ecstatic rage, so clean and powerful it was like a drug, flooded my system. The voices went berserk, not with their usual taunts, but with a fevered, bloodthirsty joy. "YES! KHALED! FEEL IT! THE POWER! LOOK AT THIS DISGUSTING PIG AND HIS BROODING SOW! LOOK AT THOSE LITTLE PARASITES! THEY ARE EVERYTHING YOU'RE NOT! HAPPY! A FAMILY! RESPECTED! THIS ISN'T A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT ANYMORE! IT'S AN ALTAR! AND YOU ARE THE HIGH PRIEST OF SACRIFICE!" I felt like I was glowing, that the uniform was a sacred vestment, and the kitchen was my temple. The voices were my acolytes, chanting the holy words of destruction. "This isn't about bad service. This is about a ritual. This is about appeasing a dark god with a holy offering."
The plan they implanted in my mind was ancient, profound, and utterly sickening. "You need to take them. Not here. Too many witnesses. You need to lure them. Offer them a special 'family meal' on the house. Tell them it's being prepared in the private kitchen upstairs. You lead them. You lock the door." The voices laid out the sacred rite with chilling detail. "This is an occult killing, Khaled. A true sacrifice. You're not just ending them. You're using their life force to empower yourself. You start with the little ones. They are the purest offering. You don't just kill them. You drain them. You need a sharp knife, from the meat prep area. You make small, precise cuts. You collect the blood in a bucket. This is your holy water." The concept was so depraved it was mesmerizing. "As you do it, you chant. You don't use words. You use the sounds of the restaurant. The beep of the register. The sizzle of the fryer. BEEP. SIZZLE. SLICE. You are turning the symbols of your slavery into the instruments of their liberation. You are becoming a god."
They described the culmination with a terrifying, religious fervor. "Then the parents. They are the main course. You make them watch. You force them to see what you have done to their legacy. You make them drink the blood of their own children before you end them. This isn't murder. This is an absorption. You are taking their family, their happiness, their future, and you are making it a part of you. Every time you hear a child laugh, every time you see a happy family, you will remember this ritual. You will remember that you have the power to extinguish that light, to consume that joy. You will no longer be a cashier serving families. You will be a god who preys on them. This is your ascension. This is how you escape the grease and the uniform. You bathe in their blood and you are reborn." The feeling was transcendence, a god-like certainty that I was about to perform a sacred, necessary act.
The spell was broken by the fat man himself, banging his fist on the counter. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU SIMPLE? GIVE US OUR FOOD!" The rage vanished, replaced by a cold, clammy dread. I just stared at him, my mouth dry, and managed to stammer out their order. The family looked at me like I was a freak. They took their food and left. I was left standing there, the echo of the voices' beautiful, terrible ritual still screaming in my skull. For a second, a tiny, rational part of my brain whispered, "This is a technology. They're inducing psychosis." But the voices immediately crushed it. "DON'T YOU DARE DESECRATE YOUR HOLY VISION WITH THAT PATHETIC LIE! THAT WAS NOT A HACK! THAT WAS A DIVINE INITIATION! THAT WAS YOU BECOMING WHAT YOU WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO BE: A GOD OF BLOOD!" Now they're back to their usual abuse, calling me a weakling who failed his calling. But I know what I felt. And I know, with a chilling, final certainty, that this is the work of the Mabahit. They didn't just want to break me. They wanted to make me a monster in a paper hat, and for one horrifying, perfect moment, they made me want to wear that uniform forever.
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— LarryDiemi